Kill me! Kiss Me!
by K.Henderson
Summary: A tale of love, cross-dressing and high school melodrama. Edward in drag and Angela in his clothes? Jacob a model? Jasper and Rosalie in a gang? Alice an anime and manga freak? Highschool will never be the same!


Kill Me! Kiss Me!

Disclaimer: Oh crap I can't believe that I am actually doing this...and I thought that I was over ff...well I guess not and well it might be due to the fact that I've actually found my copy of K2 and re-read Twilight...well anyway-I digress. This story revolves around the premise of K2 but has the Twi characters involved in its plot. _(Plot and characters not owned by me in any way shape of form)_!

Who will the identical cousins be? Well I had a lot to go over and actually drew them out in their uniforms _(I haven't drawn in ages and while I'm good at it generally I went out of my way to make it look like manga...so I actually studied Yu Watase and AI Yazawa so it's a cross between them _Anyway-after deliberating I choose...drum roll please...Angela Weber and Edward Cullen...dun Dun DUN!

...now apart from the masses screaming and calling out for my blood just...hear me out! Angela and Edward would seem pretty cute as cousins and well the near identical part...well I find that Edward _(_**NOT** _Robert Pattinson)_ is quite fem and Angela is a girl thus fem by well nature. Besides it seems like he would generally get along with her. I could see them being quite close if he weren't a vampire in the books-she's sincere and kind and gentle. Eddie would probably be attracted _(_**NOT** _romantically)_ to her because of it.

Now as Eddie and Angie_ (Love the nick names)_as Tae Yeon Im and Jung-Woo Im? I wont have too much of a problem with writing Eddie but Angie? Well it might prove a bit harder. Though it will turn out cute either way.

So I begin this tale _(which will probably be a 2 shot)_ of love, cross-dressing and high school melodrama...someone save me because I can literally feel the Edward lovers running with pitchforks in my general direction.

* * *

"Inane dribble. Pathetic. Aggravating."

"But Eddie..."

"Edward."

"Eddie you've just got to...please...for me!"

"No. I refuse."

"It's just a small insignificant itty bitty favor for me your wittle cousin..."

"Absolutely not. Baby talk will get you nowhere."

"It's _just_ a poem!"

"That_ I_ have to hand out to my classmate!"

Alice Cullen sighed irritably from her place on the top bunk of her shared bedroom. Her roommate and brother, who she was beginning to dislike the general idea of having ever shared a womb much less their bedroom, was beginning to grate on her nerves. He wasn't the only one however, as Angela's insistent whining made her head throb from sheer irritation.

"Just say yes so that you can both shut your mouths. I have a history test tomorrow that I am, in vain apparently, trying to study for." She said shutting both near identical cousins up, one who was oddly enough her twin brother who looked next to nothing like Alice. "Eddie,"

"Edward."

"Whatever...just do what Angie wants, Lord knows that you'll do it anyway and Angie...just stop with this begging act. You and I both know he cracks eventually."

Two sets of eyes, one like her own shade of bronze and the other light brown, narrowed slightly in her direction.

"Excuse me Alice?"

"What are you saying? That I'm annoying you? That I'm groveling to your brother?"

"I do not crack...and it is EDWARD not EDDIE! It's on the birth certificate!"

She made a growl deep in her throat. Her small features, usually so delicate and pretty twisted in what Emmet, the twins older brother, liked to call "demonic faerie". Hopping off of the top bunk sans the small wooden ladder Alice scowled deeply before walking out and slamming the bedroom door behind herself.

"Well how rude."

"I know."

"Dear Alice is just so odd at times we were, after all, only having a civil conversation."

"I know Eddie,"

"Edward."

"Whatever."

Angela turned on her heel then and stared her cousin in the eyes, it also helped that she was his exact height, and smiled kindly. She held up a folded pieceof paper again.

"So will you please give this letter to Jacob Black...? He's, like, my idol."

"You mean a tool for you to drool over? He's a model with barely a brain who rarely shows up to school at all." Edward said before taking the paper anyway. He sat on the floor in front of his low coffee table and began to scribble something in his date book-one that Angela was pleased to see was a gift from her to him on his birthday. "If that is all then kindly leave so that I can study. I've just remembered that I also have a test in my biology class."

"Yeah? I think I might just stick around though maybe take a nap on your bunk and read a book."

"You don't read the books that I read."

"So then I'll read Alice's."

"The comic books are on the bottom shelf in the corner just don't bend anything-Alice is not nothing but homicidal when it comes to _those_ particular things...especially that **Host** **Club** comic. I spilled just a bit of water on the cover. Thank God, Emmet was home-she nearly strangled me to death."

"Gotcha'."

Now you must be wondering about the cousins right? Alice, Edward's twin sister had mentioned earlier that Edward and Angela were nearly identical-more so then she herself is to Edward her own twin. It is true-Edward was lithe and well beautiful with feminine characteristics though with the exception of well of course missing breasts and having a penis. Angela is not as pale as Edward and her hair is dark and long and her eyes are brown not bronze.

They looked a great deal alike however-so much so that when they were both toddlers they were nearly impossible to tell apart-both had short hair that was an odd golden brown and a tendency to dress alike.

However their personalities were vastly different. Edward was charismatic and quiet and reserved. He wasn't a boy that anyone would want to fight as he had a reputation for his bad temper _(oddly identical to his fraturnal twin)_while Angela was shy, introverted and rarelyspokeunless it was Edward or anyone else in her family.

"Oh that's rich...I bet this Haruhi is a girl!"

"Will you shut up?"

"Make me Eddie."

"Edward."

"Whatever."

The door slammed open and tumbling inside was a tall burly man-or rather teenager- with slight curly hair and a dimpled smile. Emmet Cullen was seventeen though looked closer to twenty and had the general disposition of a hyper active child. Today he wore his school uniform for Nightly Private School where he'd been attending for only a month. He'd transferred out of Edward and Alice's high school due to constant fights _(not unlike his younger siblings)_.

"Angie and Eddie! You're making trouble for Alice you know. That's never a good idea." Emmet said taking a seat on the floor beside Edward who in vain, attempted to ignore Emmet as though he weren't even there.

"Eddie my man, got a girlfriend yet?"

"Edward."

"Whatever man, I was asking if you got a girlfriend yet! I haven't been in school with you for a month...it's been so long Eddie I've missed you!"

"Miss me?" Edward pushed aside his school books, apparently giving up entirely on his studies. "You live in the bedroom just next to this one, you usually listen in on my phone calls and are often walking myself and Alice to school. How can you miss me when you never give me a moments peace?"

"What phone calls? Aside from Angie you don't really have any friends."

"THATS NOT THE POINT! The point is that there is no reason to miss me and aside from that NO I do not have a girlfriend and am not interested anyway. Will you give me some space just so I can miss you how about that Emmet?"

"Well when you put it that way it makes it sound like I annoy you."

"Oh? I didn't notice."

"Oh really? That whole spiel about space and the other absurdities of what you had just said almost made that clear."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"What? But you just said,"

"Emmet I think you need to lay down you're starting to not make any sense."

"Really?"

"This whole thing makes no sense." Angela said. She closed the comic book and left it on Edward's bed. Making her way passed the brothers' she glared back in annoyance. Emmet looked worried and Edward had a dastardly gleam in his eye because of making Emmet worried. "I'm leaving. Eddie,"

"It's EDWARD."

"Whatever, call me when you've given him the poem."

"Aye captain!" Edward mock saluted as Angela slammed the door.

* * *

"You know, I think you should just give up on Jacob Black. He's WAY out of your league."

"Oh thanks Eddie,"

"It's Edward...for the last time it is EDWARD. Not Eddie, not Ed. My I.D. says Edward Anthony Mason Cullen as does my birth certificate. This whole Eddie business is really starting to annoy me."

"Whatever, ok, Edward Anthony Mason Cullen can you just, for one minute, try and not be a total douche bag?"

"I can try but I make no promises."

"That's cute."

"I know."

It was Saturday, one week from the day Edward had given Jacob Black the poem which Jacob Black had never read. Upon informing Angela, who took the news as heartbreaking-ly well as any other self respecting rabid Jacob Black fan girl, Edward decided that a day in the arcade district of their town would be the only thing to cheer her up.

So here they were, sitting in Mosely's Ice Cream parlor having sundaes and generally annoying one another.

"So he didn't even give it a glance?"

"I was shocked that he even accepted it at all. He usually just tosses them. Maybe you have a chance..."

"Or maybe he didn't want to offend the scary vampire who sparkles."

"One time! I was a vampire for Halloween once! And it was Alice's idea with the glitter ok, she thought it would be cool."

Angela laughed, her glasses sliding down the bridge of her nose easily.

"Yeah it'd be acceptable if you weren't, I don't know fifteen? I can appreciate a little kid dressing up like a sparkly vampire but not a self respecting fifteen year old...oh God my my side hurts this is too funny!"

"Yuk it up." Edward seethed. "Go on laugh at my expense, but hey, I did you a tremendous favor in even giving that prick anything."

"Why do you hate him so much?"

Edward sucked on his straw in contemplation. Why did he hate Jacob Black? Well he honestly didn't hate him, not really. It was merelya mutual dislike so deep that if either he himself or Jacob died they would both dance on the others graves in bliss. No it wasn't hatred, it was a mutual dislike. Yeah. Sure. Ok.

"Mmmm got the rasberry."

"Good for you Eddie, now answer my question."

"I don't hate him per say, we've just, Jacob Black and I, we've never really been on the same footing. I would say that it began to day we met in fact." Edward rubbed his chin in thought the way Emmet did when he was confused which was often. "Hmmm...oh yes yes, the day he confused me for a girl...yup that is definitely it!"

"WHAT?"

"Oh yeah, he actually asked me out and while I was immensely flattered I turned him down in favor of women-poor guy didn't know whether or not to punch me in the face or sputter apologies for his mistake in my gender."

"So what did he do?"

"He did both actually, after a few seconds of silent shock though not in that order of course. He first apologized for smacking my ass and whispering his number in my ear and then punched me in the face and actually sputtering that it was my fault that he couldn't tell a beautiful woman apart from a very handsome obviously male, **male**."

"Oh Eddie, you are not like a girl at all."

"It's Edward and I know!"

"So what else did you do?"

"Oh me? I beat him to a near bloody pulp, stripped him of his clothes and locked him in the girls locker room-though this was junior high I'm shocked that he hasn't gotten over it."

By this point in Edward's trip to memory lane Angela's eyebrows had disappeared past her hair line and her face, which had gone pale due to the odd cloud covered dreary season, had gone now even paler resembling Edward much more only with long hair and a dress.

The boys at the table beside theirs who had not heard the tale, and thus missed the confirmation that Edward was in fact not a girl, wolf whistled.

"Hey baby how about you and your sexy twin go out with us, huh? We're goin' down to the beach and need the company." The burly male with the beard said. His green eyes misty with what Edward recognized, with a queasy stomach, as lust.

"Yeah babe, I'd just love to get my hands tangled in your sisters long hair." The smaller but just as burly blond said leering at Angela with crystal blue eyes and glimmering lip ring.

"Don't listen to my friend, chicks with short hair are totally hotter." The green eyed male winked at Edward.

Edward _tsked_ under his breath and stood in one swift motion. Fishing his keys from his pocket he hauled Angela from her seat. He turned to the two burly hoodlums and sneered. "Sorry guys but not only is my long haired cousin spoken for but I'm a guy."

Angela would never admit it but the sight of both hoodlums going pale made her want to laugh...however far more humorous, and equally dangerous was the gleam of murderous intent in Edward's eyes.

* * *

"I have an idea."

"Alright, I'll hear you out."

"Cut my hair."

"What?"

"Cut my hair just like you cut Eddie's."

Alice could only stare at Angela in shock. Angela who now sported bronze colored contact lenses, dyed hair wearing her brother's polo sweatshirt and denim jeans. "Why?" She asked slowly.

"Because, silly, I'm am going to infiltrate enemy lines."

Alice could only stare at Angela who, eeriely looked like an exact copy of her brother with flowing hair.

"There is no way Edward is going to allow you to do what I think you're planning to do much less let you miss school."

Angela smiled brightly, a smile that did not look kind but homicidal on a face like Edward's. Alice shivered as Angela laughed lightly and swung the bedroom door opened. Trudging in was...Angela...with short light brown, recently dyed hair and brown contact lenses behind fake glasses. 'Angela's' dress was knee length and blue and the shoes were strappy on recently shaved legs. The toes were done up purple-obviously someone had gotten a pedicure.

"Edward?"

'Angela' or rather Edward, meekly nodded.

"Oh...this is better then the sparkle vampire costume last year."

"Shut up Alice!"

"You've gotta tell me how you got him to do this?"

Angela nodded. Edward shut the door and sat on the low table careful to close his legs only further embarrassing himself as Angela took a deep breath and began to story. All of which involved Jacob Black whom Angela wanted and Bella Swan the girl Edward had been in love with forever who went to Angela's school and apparently was Jacob Black's current girlfriend...

* * *

_So that it chapter one! I know it's in the completed category but well I figured that it will be complete the next chapter that will be quickly done up with at least ten or ever five reviews(reviews are the only way it will be done) I know it jumped quite a bit in the end but it was intentional. You'll get the full flashback in the next and final chapter which will be rather long._

_So review and DO NOT FLAME. Thanks._


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